Funny oneshots that will knock your socks off
by crazychick1313
Summary: Do I really need to repeat myself? Chapter 4 Valentine love spell is up.
1. Revenge

I DON'T OWN SOUL EATER.

Maka was just starting to get all snuggly in bed when the door opened to reveille her husband ,Soul. He came in and plopped down on the bed. Maka turned towards Soul and started kissing his cheek. Soul was a little confused by the sudden action, but went along with it. He gently rapped his arms around her and kissed her lips affectionally. Maka was pleased by this . She slowly places her hands on his chest in a seduceable way.

She broken the kiss and moved her head to nibble on his ear. This earned a moan from Soul. After a minute or so she licked it and stared to kiss down to his neck. Soul was getting really turned on by this. He was moving his hands up and down her back. He felt his head tilt back when she was in the process of giving a hanky.

His hand made its way to the helm of her T-shirt and as he was about to pull it up when Maka suddenly stops and pushes his hands away. She smiles up at him and said" I don't feel like it. I just wanted you to hold me."

"WHAT?" yelled a bewildered Soul.

"Ya, sorry Soul ,but you must not be in tune with my emotional needs as a women." explained Maka. Soul was really pissed off at this but as he opened his mouth Maka kissed his cheek and said"Goodnight." Then turned on her side to sleep. Soul was about to open his mouth again but decide against it because there was no way he was going to win this one. So he turned on his side too to sleep ,but before he fell asleep he got an evil idea for revenge.

The next day they were at a big department store. Soul walks around and had Maka try on three very expensive outfits. He tells Maka we'll take all of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. Next, they go to the jewelry department and gets a diamond neckless. (Maka thought Soul had flipped out, but she doesn't care.)

They walk a little more before Maka spotted a tennis bracelet that she thought that looked cool. She walked right up to it then looked back at Soul for pleading eyes of want. Soul just looks at her and says " But you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it lets get it."

Maka is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot believe what was going on.

"I'm ready to go,lets go to the cash register." reapplied a happy Maka.

Then Soul said "No,no,no honey we'er not going to buy all this stuff." Maka's face goes blank.

"No honey - I just want you to **HOLD **this stuff for while."

Her face gets really red from anger. She was about to explode and then her husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a **MAN."**


	2. video tape

"Wow.." said Black*Star looking at the sight in front of him.

Tsubaki walked into the front room from the bathroom after a shower with a towel still rapped around her head. She saw him sitting on the couch looking at the T.V. and smiled " Hi Black*Star, what are you wa…" Tsubaki stopped in mid sentence as her head turned to the T.V. screen.

A blush covered her face and her eyes widen a little.

"B-Black*Star where did you get this?" Tsubaki stuttered.

"The great me founded it in Soul's room the last time I visited." shouted Black*Star.

Tsubaki sweat dropped. "_Found it or stoled it?"_ Tsubaki thought.

"Man I didn't know soul could ben like that and do you see Maka there?" Black*Star pointed at the screen." How dose she do that?"

Tsubaki blushed some more then turned to Black*Star " You should return it soon. What if Soul found out that you took it."

"Soul looks like he's really enjoying it a lot." Black Star stated not even paying attention to what Tsubaki said."I wonder how long they've been doing this. I mean if they made a video tape out of it then they must have been at it for at least a few months." Tsubaki announced.

Then suddenly Black*Star jumps up with an angry expression on his face and pointing at the screen shouting "How dear they not tell the great Black*Star they have been doing that all this time!"

Tsubaki sighed " Well, it is their personal business."

Black*Star turned his head to her and shouted" I don't care! They should have told me they were practicing yoga."


	3. He's a bigger pervert than I am!

Blair was just lying on the couch when she heard the front door open to reveal Soul and Maka walking in. She looked up and a smile came on her face._ Let the game begin._

_"_So Soul what do want for dinner?" Maka asked looking at Soul.

"I guess anythmmmgahh" Soul was cut off as Blair smashed her breasts in his face hugging him closely.

"Nay~Soul-kun I'm so glad your here!" squealed Blair. Soul moved his hands franticly to pry off Blair before you know who puts another dent in his head.

"Sssoouuullll….."

_Too late_

Maka reached a book out" MAKA CHOP!" And there was Soul lying on the floor in a puddle of his own blood.

"Your such a big pervert!" Maka yelled.

"At least I'm not a violent bookworm." muttered Soul as he was starting to get back up on his feet. A vain popped up on Maka's head. "MAKA CHOP!"

And there he goes back down.

Blair was in her cat form watching from the comfort of the couch ram rest. Giggling a bit as her personal entertainment argued with each other. Then an idea came in to her head. Would-en it be funny to see Soul screaming out or have a major nose bleed after a dream about having sex with Maka? Not to mention the blushes he'll get when Maka is near him. That would be historical! She couldn't help it. It was just too good of an idea.

Blair stands up from her spot and jumped out the window unknown to Maka and Soul to find a book that has the spell she needs.

A couple of hours later Blair jumps in to the apartment from the exacted window she got out from. She looks around to find no one there. The lights were out indicating that Soul and Maka were asleep. This made things easier. Blair started to walk up to Soul's room trying to be a quiet as possible. Even at the smallest of noises will make Blair flinch at this point.

She gentry pushes Soul's door open and stepped in. She slowly walks toward him. Then she jumps on his bed. Blair froze as Soul stared to move but then relaxed. Blair reached in a pouch around her neck and sprinkled out some sort of dust on Soul.

"Pum-pumpkin pumpkin" She whispers. Then climes off the bed and walks out of the room.

"Nay~I can't wait until morning!"

Blair woke up really early to make sure that she didn't miss Soul's reaction. While Maka was in the kitchen making breakfast Blair was waiting by Soul's door. The alarm went off. But the next thing that happen puzzled her.

The alarm clock was shut off and there was the sound of some one getting up from a bed. The door opened to a half asleep Soul walking out toward the living room like any normal morning.

"What the hell? Where's the nose bleed, the cussing, the shocked face? Not even a blush?" Blair thought angrily.

Deciding to get to the bottom of it she walked toward the front room to find Soul. She saw Soul at the dining room table waiting for his breakfast. Approaching the table and took a seat next to him Blair asked him a question " So Soul~kun what did you dream about last night?"

Soul,with a hand placed under his chin and a bored expression on his face looked at her for a second then said" The usual."

Blair sat there gapping at him" D-Did he just said **the usual?** YOU MEAN HE HAD THAT DREAM BEFOR!…Wait, for how long?"

"Umm, S-Soul~kun out of curiosity how long have that dream you had last night been the **usual**?" Blair pushed out the words as best as she can. But what Soul said next really made her mouth dropped to the floor.

Still looking as bored as ever Soul shrugged his shoulders and said" I don't know, I think it started when I met Maka."

"WHAT! Didn't he meat her when he was 11? No wonder why Maka hits him so damn hard, he's a bigger pervert than I am!" Blair thought.


	4. Valentine love spell

**ATHER'S NOTE: This is a fanfic based on Valentine's Day. Yea I know everyone and their monkey is writing one but Fuck it I want to write one too so deal with it.**

**

* * *

**

It was a dark night with no clouds in the sky of a small town. There was dust flying around reveling two dark shapes. One was holding a scythe in both hands and the other was sitting on a broom in mid air. The dust dies down the average eye can see the two forms clearly. The one sitting on the broom had long black pants on with black, white, and green sneaker on. There was a striped green and black skirt that stopped at mid thigh. A short sleeve green shirt and under it was a long sleeve shirt with green and black striped sleeves. On her hands there was black gloves without fingers.

On her head was a short black witch hat with the tip curving a little. She had brown hair tied in a low ponytail with two stains sticking out. There was a necklace with a cat on it around her neck. She also had blue eyes. She was around 14 or 15 years old.

She brought a hand to the side of her mouth. "Is that all you got!" she yelled.

"You haven't seen nothing yet!" Maka remarked.

Maka lunched at the witch. Maka swung Soul at her, but before had the chance to strike, the witch simply moved up in the air an inch higher than Maka could reach. Maka crashed into a fruit stand. Soul changed back into his human. He was lying on some tomatoes and bananas. Soul turned his head to Maka glaring at her.

"Damn it Maka, it doesn't take 4 fucking hours to kill a witch." Soul shouted.

"Its not as easy as it looks!" Maka glaring back.

"Maka, you haven't even made a scratch on her! What the hell is wrong with you!"

"Me? What's wrong with **you**! You're a death scythe! Shouldn't you be stronger than this?" Maka commented back.

* * *

**30 Minutes Later**

The witch was sitting on her broom with popcorn in her hands and a drink floating by her head. She stuffed a hand full of popcorn in her out and took a sip from her drink.

"Man, this is better than T.V." she remarked.

"You're such a bitch! I bet you won't get any Valentine's Day cards or gifts."Soul replied.

"WHAT!" Maka snapped.

"You heard me. Who would want a flat chest girl? You're just as flat chested as that witch." he pointed toward you know who's direction.

" That jackass!" the witch thought. There was a vain popping on her head.

As Maka and Soul continue to fight the witch was thinking to herself. " I hate that bastard! It's not my fault that I'm under developed and it sure as hell it's her fault! How can she deal with him? You know what, I'm going to help that chick out and stuff those words back in that jack ass' mouth!"

The witch took out a pink ball and said"Azarath Metrion Zinthos." (**I'm sorry I just couldn't resist. XD)**

Then she through the ball at Maka's back.

"OW! What the?…" Maka turned back to the witch.

"Bye Maka. Use your Valentine's Day to the fullest extent because you're only going to have **one day** to celebrate it ." the witch waved. Then she turned to Soul.

"Oh Soul, go fuck yourself!" she said giving him the middle finger. After that she flew off.

Soul and Maka's face gave the expression of **"What the fuck just happen?"**

**

* * *

**

**THE NEXT DAY(Valentine's Day)**

Maka and Soul walked through a hallway of Death Weapon Meister Academy. They were both still upset about it but they're trying to keep their mind off it.

"HEY SOUL, WHAT'S UP?" Black Star asked giving Soul a high five.

"Nothing much." smirked Soul. Tsubaki and Maka greeted each other with a smile and a good morning. The girls stared to walk off leaving the boys to themselves. When the girls were out of hearing rang Black Star spoke" Man, Maka sure has a fine ass."

Soul swiftly turned to Black Star wide eyes not exactly sure if he heard right. Black Star remain obvious to this and kept talking.

" A hot chick like her deserves a god like me." Black Star said as he pointed to himself. Soul got over his shock and stared to glare at the young ninja. He was clenching his fists. There was a sudden need to rip Black Star to shreds. But before he could act on it the bell ringed for class. Soul sighed in anger" I'll deal with him later." Black Star didn't hare Soul as they both walked to class.

* * *

"_I'm going kill those mother fucking basters!"_ Soul thought. His eye twitching as well. It was all because of what was happening in class. All the guys were staring at Maka. It's like a sudden out brake of hormones were released to all of the male population in the school. Maka on the other hand was confused on why so many guys were staring at her. She leaned over to Tsubaki. " Tsubaki, do I have anything in my teeth?"

Tsubaki looked over at her friend to see. After a glance she smiled "No. You're ok."

Maka still looked upset." Do I look strange in any way?"

Tsubaki frowned a little. "No, why you asked Maka?"

"Well...a lot of people are staring at me and it's kinda creeping me out." She said lokking off to the side.

Tsubaki placed a comforting hand on Maka's shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm sure it's nothing. Maybe they wanted to give you a Valentine and waiting for a good time to give you it."

Maka looked back at her." I don't know about that. Hey, have you seen kid, Liz, and Patty anywhere? I haven't seen them all day."

"Oh, they went on a mission to china. They'll be back in a weak."

Maka nod indicating that she understands. Shortly after that the bell ringed for lunch. Kids started running off to the door. Maka, Tsubaki, and Soul headed off to the lockers to put a few books away. Black Star run off to somewhere else.

When they got to their lockers Soul was the first to open his. About 30 Valentines fell out. He smirked at Maka. "Wow, look at all these letters. How many did you get Maka?" Soul asked.

The said person only glared at him. She moved to open her locker expecting to only see the books she placed there ,but as she opened it a whole sea of paper and boxes came flying out.

"GGAAAAA!" she cried before the huge title-wave came crashing down on her.

"Maka!" yelled Tsubaki as she ran to dig Maka out.

"What the hell?" Soul asked just staring at the sight in front of him.

Tsubaki was shoving letters around frantically searching for Maka. Then she saw a hand reaching out. Tsubaki quickly grabbed it with both hands pulling it towards her. In the matter off seconds Maka was pulled out. Tsubaki helped Maka to stand by holding her by the elbows. When she let go Maka put a had to the bake of her head. Tsubaki looked at Maka worriedly.

"Dose you head hurt?" Tsubaki asked.

"No, it's just..."she pulled out a white letter." This was in the back of my shirt."

"What is it?" Soul asked stepping next to Maka.

"Don't know, but let's see." She answered while opening the letter.

_Dear Maka,_

_You are just the cutest girl I have ever seen. I love those pigtails you put in your hair, the gleam your forest green eyes get when you get a good grade, or that determined look on you face before a test._

_Today I just couldn't stop myself from staring at you. It seemed like the sun is the darkest place in the whole universe compered to how radiant you look. _

_There are so many things I want to do and see with you._

_But today there is only one thing I want and that thing is for you to be my Valentine._

_Love, Hiro_

"Aaawwwww that's so cute." Tsubaki squeaked.

Maka was blushing and Soul...well, all I can say is that he was pissed off! His hands made fists and he was grinding his teeth.

How dare he tries to take** his Maka. **Dose Hiro want a death wish? Because it sure sounds like it.

"I guess that explains what all of these are." Maka stated turning toward the big pile on the floor.

"YAHOOO!" someone yelled behind them. They all turned around to see Black Star running toward them with a giant 5 foot rad hart covered in glitter that read " Happy Valentine's Day Maka!" on a dolly. He was also holding a 1 foot chocolate hart that said "Be Mine."

Saying they were shocked would be an understatement. I mean can you honestly say that someone as narcissistic as him putting that much effort to please someone else is normal?

"HELLO MAKA! I THE GREAT BLACK STAR HAS DECIDED TO GLACE WITH MY PRESENTS FOR VALENTINE'S DAY!" He yelled.

Well it was the thought that count. **-_-'**

**"**This is for you Maka." He smiled putting the Valentine in front of Maka.

"Um... Thanks Black Star." Maka flushed staring at the huge card.

Black Star grind proudly. Then he remembered about the chocolate hart. He pulled it in both hands extending it out toward Maka. "This is for.." Before he could finish his sentience Soul snatched the hart and took a big bite.

"Thanks" Soul stated with his mouth full.

"WHAT THE HELL? THAT'S NOT FOR YOU!" Black Star shouted pointing at Soul with a vain popping on his head.

"It is now Bitch Star." Soul said after swallowing the candy.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?" another vain popped on Black Star's head.

"What, you death now?" taunted Soul.

During all of this Maka and Tsubaki calmly and quickly ran to the cafeteria. They didn't want to stick around for what was going to happen. Although Maka didn't get the chance to shut her locker she didn't want those two to knottiest they were leaving.

Both of them pushed the doors to the cafeteria. They were panting a little. Maka put a hand to her chest.

"Few, safe at last." Tsubaki uttered.

"You can say that again." Maka said.

"So, what do you want for lunch?" Tsubaki asked looking at Maka.

Maka shrugged her shoulders. "I can go for any thing."

"How about some pizza?"

"Fine with me." Maka smiled.

When they got their lunch they looked for a place to sit 's when Kilik came up to the girls.

"Hi, Maka. What are you doing?" He asked holding his tray of food.

"Hi Kilik. We're trying to find a seat." Maka said. Tsubaki nodded to this.

"Why don't you girls sit with me. There's an open table over there." Kilik pointing at an empty table.

"Ok" both girls agree.

When they got to the table Maka and Tsubaki sat down next to each other. As kilik was about to sit down a different boy took his spot. He had brown hair and blue eyes.

"What the..?" there was a vain on Kilik's head.

"Hi there Maka."

"Hi Connor." Maka greeted trying to be nice.

Kilik grunted and turned to sit next to Tsubaki.

Five minutes later the whole table was covered with guys and there seemed to be some standing up just to be able to talk to Maka. This way getting out of hand. They had to get out quick.

"Hey, Maka do you want any desert?" Tsubaki winked at Maka to get the hint to agree.

"Oh,..um.. yes, but I don't have any money to get it."

"I'll buy you some!" one guy replied.

"No, I will!" another shouted.

And just like that every guy ran toward the available desert counter. As soon as they left Maka and Tsubaki made a run for it. They stopped in front of the girl's bathroom.

"What's going on with those guys?" Tsubaki asked.

"I don't kn..." Maka stopped in mid sentence. Her eyes widen.

**_*FLASH BACK*_**

_"Bye Maka. Use your Valentine's Day too the fullest extent because you're only going to have **one day** to celebrate it." the witch waved._

**_*END FLASH BACK*_**

"Oh god no." Maka placed a hand on her forehead.

"What's rough? asked Tsubaki.

"It's a long story so get comfortable."

Both of the girls sat down and Maka explained the whole story.

" So that means until today is over every guy will try to go on a date with you or something on the lines of that?" questioned Tsubaki.

"Ya. So I need to get Soul as soon as possible and go home early."

"Aren't you worried that Soul might act the same as the other guys?"

"No. Soul hasn't acted any different today. I guess he's uninfected by it. Plus even if he was one guy is more easy to Handel then the whole male population in the school."

"Good point."

* * *

"Damn it...where is she?" Soul grunted walking down the halls. He had enough of this school for one day. When he finish fighting with "Bitch Star" he saw that Maka was missing. So he stared to look for her. He tried the cafeteria but all he found was a bunch of guys running around yelling for Maka. In that case he was glad she wasn't there. Then he looked in some of her class. Not there. So here he is now.

"There she is" Soul spotted Maka and Tusbaki sitting next to the girl's bath room talking to each other. Soul ran right up to them.

"Good point." Tsubaki said.

"Maka" soul called.

Maka turned to see Soul. She smiled at him and stand up.

"We'er leaving school early so don't "ok" give me...wait what?"

"I said ok. Now come on." Maka said making a hand movement toward the exit.

"Bye Tsubaki" Maka waved.

"Bye" Tsubaki waved back.

As Soul and Maka walked to the front door a guy stepped in front of them. He had black hair, light skin, and brown eyes.

"Hi Maka. Where you going?" he asked.

"Piss off Zack" Soul glared.

"I wasn't asking you." he glared back.

"We're kinda need to do an airron ." Maka spoke.

Zack put his arm around Maka."I'm sure Soul can take care of it. You and I on the meantime can go somewhere fun."

Soul didn't like how Zack used the word _fun_.

Maka took his arm off her."Sorry but I...Have a boyfriend!"

"What?" both boys asked.

"Who is he?" Zack sneered.

"Oh it's...Soul."

Maka grabbed Soul's arm hugging it tightly smiling. Soul was confused but shortly after she hugged his arm a cocky grin grew on his face.

"What?" Zack stated.

"You heard her. She's **mine**. Now go away." Soul grind.

Zack glared one last time before walking away. When he was far enough Maka let go of Soul but before she could take a step Soul grabbed her around the waist.

"You know lying like that is so not cool."

"Well, what was I supposed to do to get him to leave?" Maka answered back.

"I'm just saying next time you're telling the truth."

"What are y..." She was cut off by a pair of lips. She was shocked but then melted into the kiss. She rapped her arms around his neck leaning into him while both of Soul's arms were tightly rapped around her. Soul was the first to brake the kiss.

"Let's go home already. I don't want people watching us making out tomato cheeks."

A vain popped on Maka's head. "MAKA CHOP!"


End file.
